Gender Blender
by not-here-anymore-deleted
Summary: The flock wakes up and discovers that something is just not right. Iggy's "Mystical Narwhal" is missing, Nudge complains about bra size, Fang thinks that he is the sexiest thing ever, Max has dumb ideas, ect. All normal, except, they're the wrong gender.
1. Shoes, Sex Grunts, Birds, and Blenders

Gender-Blender

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

I don't own Maximum Ride.

_Chapter One – Shoes, Sex Grunts, Birds, and Blenders_

Sunlight streamed through the partially open blinds. The birds might have been chirping, but we'll never know since Nudge was snoring too loud for anyone to tell.

Max sat up, yawned, and crawled out of bed, only to trip over one of Nudge's shoes and face-plant on the wood floor.

Ow. Wouldn't that just be an amazing way to start your day? No? Well shut up, because no one asked you anyways. That's right, no one cares what you think.

"Stupid shoe," Max grumbled, crawling towards the door, simply because she was too lazy to stand back up, "I'll kick the crap out of Nudge when she gets up."

Just for those who were wondering, Max was not going to kick Nudge until she crapped herself. That would be gross.

Max continued crawling into the bathroom and stood up, hitting her head on the sink, and letting out a long stream of swear words that will not be repeated here. If you want to hear them, go ask Angel. She took one look in the mirror and swore again, this time so loudly she even drowned out Nudge's snoring.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Iggy, who also was unable to hear the birds, jumped out of bed in a fighting stance. He was sure he heard a loud thump from upstairs. Was someone attacking?

"Mrrrpphhhhhhhh... go back to bed. Max probably just tripped over something again," Fang mumbled from his bed.

Iggy sighed and flopped back in bed, "You're probably right."

"Mrrrpphhhhhhhh..."

"Is that supposed to be some sort of sex grunt?" Iggy snickered.

A book hit him in the face, courtesy of Fang. Because Fang was just feeling _that _generous today.

"Fine, whatever."

Fang rolled back over and Iggy placed the book on the floor by his bed.

"Hey Fang?"

"What?"

"So, how's your baby raccoon? Is it wrapped in salami?"

"What?"

Iggy snickered, "You though of something pervy didn't you? Someone has a naughty mind!"

Another book went flying across the room, hitting Iggy in the face.

"Well, that was rude."

Fang mumbled a highly offensive phrase and rolled back over.

"Hey, Fang?"

Fang repeated the previous phrase, but this one had more swears. Angel learned quite a few more words that day.

"You know how some guys, like, name their penis?"

"Shut up."

"I've been thinking of naming mine, maybe something like," Iggy paused for dramatic effect. Annoying Fang was his specialty and recently, Nudge had been beating him at it. Iggy refused to lose at something as important as this, "My Mystical Narwhal or something. How does that sound?"

Another book hit Iggy, this time in the "Mystical Narwhal". Fang sure had a lot of books today.

"Wow, that didn't actually hurt. Was that just a pathetic throw, or did I just fall asleep with a cup on? Maybe-"

"Shut up."

"But you just-"

"Shhhhhh..."

"Well, I'm going to go use the bathroom now."

Iggy got up and walked to the bathroom. We aren't going to go over the exact details, but we ended up with:

"Ahhhhhhhh! Fang! My Mystical Narwhal's gone!"

Even the author has words to describe that sentence.

Well, except these ones: awkward, weird, and omg-hahahahaha-wtf?

The author feels pride in the previous word choice. And that's just sad.

Again, not going into details, but we one again ended up with:

Fang realizing Iggy was now a girl.

Iggy realizing Iggy was now a girl.

Fang doing a overdramatic spin towards the mirror.

Fang discovering that he too, was a girl.

And that he was really hot.

And so was Iggy.

But that's not the point here.

Both boys went into hysterical screaming fits that drowned out Nudge's snoring, Max's swearing, and the birds.

The birds finally gave up and flew to another house that wasn't so noisy.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Today wasn't Max's morning either. She had done some things on her own too and also ended up with a hysterical screaming fit. Max realized:

She was now a boy.

And she was really hot.

But that's still not the point.

She ran over to Nudge and woke her up. Together they went and found Fang and Iggy, joined their screaming fit, and Nudge discovered some things too:

She was now a boy.

And so was Max.

Fang and Iggy were both girls.

And they had bigger boobs then she did when she was a girl!

There was something wrong with #4.

"Oh my freakin' gosh! What the hell happened?"

"Why am I a girl?"

"Does this have something to do with the school?"

"STOP!" Nudge yelled, which was surprising, since she was really being a hypocrite here, "First of all, yelling won't help us. Second of all, Iggy and Fang really need to stop jumping. They aren't wearing bras, and no one here wants to see that. Third of all, what about Angel and Gazzy?"

Four heads simultaneously turned towards the white door at the end of the hallway.

Nudge brightened back up, turning towards Fang, "Oh yeah! And sixth of all, do you think my boobs will be that big one day? I'm hardly even a 34A right now and you're like a C! Max is a B34, so I can't ask her. If you don't know I'm sure Iggy does, since you two are like, the same size!"

Everyone went silent.

"Or, you know, we could just see what happened to Gazzy and Angel."

The group set off down the hallway and burst through the door.

"Gazzy! Angel! What gender are you?"

That was an incredibly awkward question. But at this point, no one really cared.

Gazzy walked out of the bathroom and smiled, "Hey Max! So you're a boy too?"

Max laughed, "Yeah, Gazzy, where's Angel?"

Gazzy frowned, "I am Angel."

"What?" everyone screamed in unison. The author was smart enough to bring a camera so she could capture that rare, never to be repeated moment.

"So Gazzy and Angel, look like... each other now?"

Iggy cleared his/her throat, "So, would anyone like breakfast?"

"I would!"

"Yeah, sure."

"Yay! Yay! Yay!"

"Okay."

"Yup!"

They all headed downstairs to eat some eggs and possibly toast.

Yummy.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Iggy set down the last plate and sat in (his? Her? It's? Your choice!) empty chair. The room was silent, with the exception of the sounds of eating, which actually sound slightly gross.

Max was the first to finish and she decided that now would be a great time to remind everyone of what happened this morning, "So, what do you think happened to us?"

Fang shrugged.

Iggy shrugged.

Nudge had a genius idea, "OMG! What if we changed genders since it's an overused fanfiction idea?"

Max thought for a minute, "Nah, it's probably just a disease."

"Yeah."

"That's true."

"I wonder if it's contagious..."

"I like this toast!"

"Oooh! Pass the jelly!"

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**Sooooo? How was it? This is my chapter, and the next chapter I upload will be written by Bunnies of Doom. There's a few more people doing it with us, but I'll tell you when we get to them!**

**Bubye!**

**Unicorn of Awesomeness **


	2. Victoria's Secret

Gender-Blender

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

I don't own Maximum Ride.

_Chapter Two – Victoria's "Secret"_ – **written by Bunnies of Doom (Part One) and Unicorn of Awesomeness (Part Two)**

**(Part One: Written by Bunnies of Doom) *~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~***

After breakfast, Max suddenly remembered that she needed to kick the crap out of Nudge. She whirled

around and stomped dramatically over to Nudge, who squeaked in alarm. The ensuing fight lasted

several minutes with the other members of the flock cheering on who they wanted to win. It probably

would have lasted much longer if Dr. Martinez and Ella hadn't walked in, having just come back from the grocery

store.

Max (of course) had neglected to tell her mom anything about what had happened, so for a minute or

two it looked like she was about to have a heart attack, but she was fine and immediately started questioning

Max.

Ella however, fainted from shock.

Wimp.

Everyone just ignored her and left her lying on the floor, but luckily she revived after a few minutes. She

was a bit mad about being ignored, but everyone was too busy to pay attention.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Three hours and five shouting matches later, the flock plus Dr. Martinez and Ella were headed to the

mall. They were in a car, in case you wondering. If you weren't, too bad. I told you anyways. So there.

When everyone arrived at the mall, they split into two groups.

**(Part Two: Written by Unicorn of Awesomeness) *~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~***

Ms. Martinez, Max, and Nudge went off to some clothes store Max had never heard of, but Nudge had, seeming that she was screaming hysterically at the thought of being able to go there. Max was glad she had thought ahead and brought earplugs with her.

Fang, Iggy, and Ella headed off to Victoria's Secret (both Fang and Iggy had heard about that store) for bras, seeming that that was the most important and probably the most stressful part of their day.

Fang quickly assessed the situation:

a) He could escape from the store, but probably end up being caught and sent back into the store, attracting more attention

b) He could pray for a herd of magical unicorns to come and save him (hey, it's worked for Nudge before).

c)He could cooperate and go buy bras, while feeling extremely embarrassed.

Fang decided to combine options b and c, by shopping for bras and feeling extremely embarrassed by it, while praying for a herd of magical unicorns to come rescue him.

Iggy's train of thought is not exactly appropriate for a T-rated story, so we'll just give you a summary:

Boobs! lol 3 3 3

…..

Anyways, back to the story.

Ella pulled Iggy and Fang into a huddle to discuss the battle strategy, "Okay you two, I'm going to pick out some bras and give them to the two of you, who will be in a dressing rooms. Once we figure out size, we'll figure out which type you guys want. Got it?"

Fang nodded, glad most of his time here would be in a changing room. He might not need the magical unicorns!

Iggy really wants this story to become M-rated, but that's not about to happen (mostly because we don't want to know what Iggy is thinking. Especially not right now.)

Fang and Iggy were both shoved into changing rooms by Ella, shouting, "I'll be back in a second you guys!"

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Max was pleased. In the store they were in, she managed to find some normal looking clothes her size. Even though she was a boy now, she requested that the authors still called her and the rest of the flock by their original genders, so she was feeling almost happy.

Nudge, who on the other hand, had decided to be a gay guy, had purchased some... interesting clothes. Max wasn't about to go into details, but she thought that Nudge was having a bit too much fun with this whole ordeal.

Ms. Martinez popped out from behind a rack of clothes, "Hey Max, can you go check on Ella and the boys... or girls... whatever they are, and report back to me?"

"Sure," Max replied. She had been wondering how the boys were doing.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

"So Fang..."

"Yes Iggy?"

"What size are you?"

"Ummm... D34. Yeah, I think that's right."

"Iggy?"

"Iggy?"

"Why are you so quiet now? Iggy!"

"Damn you."

"What?"

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Max looked around the store for Ella. Where the heck was she?

Ella stomped out of the dressing rooms, steam practically pouring out of her ears.

"Oh, hey Ella! What's wrong?"

Ella pointed at the dressing rooms, "Them! Not only is Iggy a major pervert, but Fang is being difficult! Not to mention that they have freakishly large boobs that happen to be bigger than mine!"

The whole store went quiet, but Ella didn't seem to notice.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

"Hey Iggy, was that Ella screaming?"

"Yeah, I think so. Did you hear what she was saying?"

"Nope."

"Neither did I. It probably wasn't that important."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

"Woah, wait a second!" Max said, grabbing Ella as she tried to walk past her, "Fang and Iggy have bigger boobs than us?"

Ella nodded.

"Life isn't fair."

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

"Uh, Iggy? What's your size?"

"D32, asshole."

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Soon, Ella and Max got Fang and Iggy out of the dressing rooms and paid for the bras. Ella took the boys (or girls, depending on whether or not Max is going to kill us for saying this) to buy clothes and Max went back to help with Ms. Martinez and Nudge.

They agreed to meet up at the house, seeming that Max and Nudge were done and headed off to wherever the heck you go at times like this.

So... the jungle?

No. Not the jungle.

The bathroom?

Sure. Go ahead and believe that.

And for those of you who were wondering where Gazzy and Angel were during all of this, they were off convincing the world that they invented corn.

Yummy.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**AN: Hi, this is Bunnies of Doom, the Unicorn of Awesomeness' older sister. Thanks for reviewing,**

**subscribing, and favoriting this story!**

**AN2: Heeeeyyyyy! Sorry about this, but Bunnies of Doom was unable to finish her part so she emailed it to me and I finished it. For those of you who hate my writing and want me to go die in a hole (not that anyone's told me that yet, I'm just pretty sure there's some people thinking it.), sorry, I won't write anything for the next few chapters, unless there's some sort of news or something I need you to know. And just so you know, we're almost done joking about Fang and Iggy's bra size, so if you don't like it, be happy. If you do... tough nuggets. **

**Bubye!**

**Unicorn of Awesomeness**


	3. Feminine Products

Gender-Blender

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

I don't own Maximum Ride.

_Chapter 3 – Feminine Products_– **written by MangaGirl88**

So, you are probably wondering exactly how Gazzy and Angel were trying to convince people they invented corn. Since everyone went off to do some "needed shopping", that left the very confused Gazzy and Angel to fend for themselves.

While in the food court, Gazzy went up to a total stranger, carrying corn on the cob. He then proceeded to whack the stranger repeatedly for no reason. The stranger, having nothing else to defend himself with, grabbed another person's food tray, and threw it at Gazzy.

"Listen little girl-"

"I AM A BOY!" Gazzy said in a high-pitched voice, then stopped for a second. "Well, not right now, but I will be!"

The stranger stood there a moment, a very stupid look spreading across his face. "Are you sure you're a boy? Cause you sure as hell don't look like one."

"WE DON'T JUDGE!" Gazzy shouted. "RIGHT NOW FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT I INVENTED CORN!" Everyone in the room was now looking at Gazzy with dumbfounded expressions on their faces. "Really?" Said the stranger. It looked like everyone was falling for Gazzy's plan. He didn't even need Angel to help this time! "Yes I did." Gazzy said with a devilish grin. Then he realized, not only did he get Angel's looks, but her powers too! At that moment Angel realized it too, and tried to read the stranger's mind. She concentrated and concentrated and then she farted.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**I**ggy smelled blood, and a lot of it. "Is everyone OK?"

"Yeah, why Iggy?" Max said from far away.

"I smell someone bleeding."

"MOM!" Max shouted, seeming uncomfortable.

Just before Max's mom entered the room, there was a loud shriek from the bathroom. What the heck? It sounded a lot like Fang.

Iggy heard feet stomp from the bathroom across the hall. "MAX! WHERE ARE THE FEMINE PRODUCTS?"

"Excuse me?" Max sounded amused.

"THERE IS BLOOD IN MY..." Fang stopped, and realized everyone was staring at him. "I mean..." He fled the room again, face burning in embarrassment.

"Angel, what was all that about?" Max asked.

"It seems to be Fang's time of the month... Whatever that means.," Gazzy answered for Angel.

Max left the room, following Fang to the bathroom. She threw the box of said 'feminine products' at Fang. "NEXT TIME, ASK MY MOM ABOUT THESE THINGS!" Max came back again, her face red. Well, that's something I thought I would never have to give to Fang.

"Um... Dr. Martinez?" Fang shouted.

"I will be right there," Dr. Martinez left to explain the whole thing to Fang. As she explained, Fang's face went from humiliation to complete fear.

"I HAVE TO WHAT?" Fang looked at her in horror. There is no way in heck he was going to do that... man, girls have it tough.

"Yes, anymore questions?" Dr. Martinez was getting uncomfortable with this whole... Its hard to get to the whole Oh-wait-your-a-girl-I-meant-boy-I-mean- thing.

"Why is this happening to me?" Fang asked, wishing right now that this was a dream and that he was a boy again.

"You were in health once, figure it out yourself..." And with that, she left the room, ignoring Fang's protests.

"Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!" Fang almost ran out of the bathroom with his pants off, but stopped in the doorway. "Maybe I should put my pants back on before I run in there again..."

Later that day:

"Ughhhhh..." Fang was curled up on the couch, moaning in pain. "The Advil isn't working Max!"

"GET OVER IT!" Max shouted at him. "All girls go through this. Plus, you are a powerful bird kid, the least you could do is handle a little bit of cramps."

"You're enjoying my pain, aren't you?" Fang glared at Max,as she laughed.

"Now you know how I feel," She left the room.

"What are you guys talking about, Fang?" Gazzy asked.

"You don't want to know Gazzy," Fang moaned again. "This hurts worse than the time that eraser kicked me in the face and broke my nose."

"Man, you such a baby." Iggy butt in. "Just the slightest bit of pain and you are keeled over crying. When that eraser hit you, he barely even grazed your nose, and then you bawled through the whole fight."

"Like you're one to talk, Iggy!" Fang pouted. "... Oh my god... this whole PMS thing is annoying... One second, I am happy, eating lots of food, then the next, I am slamming my face into a tree."

"It's actually pretty entertaining," Nudge said with a smile.

"Thanks Nudge. I am glad to see that you care." Fang said sarcastically.

"No problem, chica." She left the room giggling.

"Hey, Fang!" Iggy shouted. "Could you come here for a second?"

"Sure. Where are you?" Fang got up, following Iggy's voice.

"Bathroom."

Fang entered the bathroom. "What do you need?"

"I know this is going to sound weird but I needed to check something, and I can't do it cause I'm blind sooo..." Iggy looked uncomfortable.

Fang was about to say something but then thought about what Iggy could have meant. "Oh God... Seriously dude? Can't you have someone else do that for you?"

"Come on Fang! Just tell me yes or no and then you can leave!" Iggy said. He needed to know if he got his period too, and he couldn't really look for himself. "Anyways, I still smell blood and I don't know if its just you or not!"

"... God, okay fine, but you owe me big time," Fang said. "No, you are fine. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" Fang stormed out of the bathroom and sat down on the couch again.

He sat there, staring blankly at the TV, thinking about how much his life sucks. His head felt dizzy, and he couldn't focus on anything suddenly. _Let's just hope this ends soon,_ and with his thoughts still in his head, he passed out, falling off the couch and onto the floor.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**Thank you MangaGirl88! And for everyone else, I put up a poll on my profile so you can vote if whether or not we do a sequel with another series after we finish this (which won't be for a while, but I have to mentally prepare myself way before hand). So go vote! If the overall vote is yes, we'll put up another poll about which series.**

**Bubye!**

**Unicorn of Awesomeness (not MangaGirl88, since she didn't write an author's note)**

**PS – Oh, and is this really a chapter with no mention of Iggy or Fang's boobs? Oh, haha, guess I just ruined it. Whoopsies.**


	4. The Real Chapter Four

Gender-Blender

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

I don't own Maximum Ride.

_Chapter 4 – Boners_ – **written by Perfection-Ends (only on deviantart)**

Fang groaned loudly in his sleep. "GO AWAY YOU STUPID NARWHALS!" he screamed, rolling off the couch he was sleeping on and landing on the floor. He jolted awake and sat up, clutching his chest. "Why is everything so sensitive?" He grumbled to whoever was within earshot of him. He groaned loudly again, doubling over and clutching his sides. "IT FEELS LIKE MY UTERUS IS FALLING OUT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT STOP!"

At that moment Max walked into the room with a rolled up newspaper and smacked Fang in the head with it as if he were a dog. "Shut up already! I'm sick of hearing you complain!" They both paused and looked up as the phone rang. Max stood up tall and pointed at the phone. " EVERYONE! THE PHONE…" She paused for dramatic effect. "IS RINGING!" She dashed over to the phone, stumbling a few times before reaching it and answering. "Heelllloo? What? Akila?" Max stared at the phone is disbelief, as if she could see the dog through the phone.

"Yes, yes. I can talk but only," pause for dramatic effect, "WITH THE POWER OF MY MIND."

Max stood there for a second, trying to actually comprehend what the dog was saying to her. "Okay, so putting aside the fact that you can apparently talk-"

"SHARE MY THOUGHTS WITH YOU TELEPATHICALLY!" Akila interrupted suddenly.

"Okay, okay, telepathically and all that stuff. Anyways, why did you call?"

The dog barked suddenly into the phone. "OH YEAH. Let me tell you…"

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Total: Runs into street, scarf waving in the wind "Ah, Akila! We're almost here!"

*Noise of an oncoming car*

Akila: Cries out, "No, Total!"

Total: "Wha-"

*Noise of whatever it sounds like when a dog gets run over.* I dunno maybe a ka-thunk noise? *Ka-thunk*

Akila: run over with distressed look "Total? Total! Total? Noooo!"

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

"Total's hurt? We have to go help him! He's in the –INSERT HOSPITAL NAME HERE? We'll be there soon!" Max slammed the phone down, spinning around to face the flock but falling flat on her face as she did so. She stood up quickly and looked at everyone. Fang was rolling on the floor again, complaining about his "uterus falling out". Iggy was playing with his boobs. Nudge was wiggling her butt around for some reason and Gazzy was also playing with Iggy's boobs.

Wait, what about Angel? As if on cue, the kid came running out into the room, crying her eyes out. "MAAAAAAAAAX!" The youngest member of the flock ran up to Max and clutched her pant leg, sobbing loudly.

"Angel, honey what's wrong?" Max asked, rather concerned.

Angel looked up at her. "It's standing up!" Max stared at her. "W-what's standing up?" she asked, unsure if she wanted to know.

"My thingy! It's standing up and it won't go down!"

Max took a few steps backwards, away from Angel. "O-oh um, Angel…why don't you talk to Iggy about that. I, uh, have to GOSEETOTALNOWKAYTHXBYE." She ran out the door quickly and hid in the bushes in front of the house.

Meanwhile Angel walked up to Iggy, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I-Iggy?" She hiccupped tugging on his shirt sleeve. "My thingy is sticking up and i-it won't go down." She sobbed.

Iggy immediately dropped his boobs and stared at Angel. "Umm, well," He stammered. Please God if you're watching me now, I beg for a herd of unicorns to stop me from having to tell Angel about the pleasures of manhood, he prayed silently. What Iggy got was not a magical herd of unicorns, but instead a very confused Nudge sitting on top of his head singing "The Saints Go Marching by" or whatever the hell that song is called.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**Reviews make us update faster. Just throwing that out there. **


	5. Titanic

Gender-Blender

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

I don't own Maximum Ride.

_Chapter 5 – Titanic_ – **written by MangaGirl88**

_What happened while Max was at the hospital:_

Gazzy walked down the hallway towards the bathroom, when he heard voices coming from the girls-guys-thing's room.

"Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise."

"I promise."

"Never let go."

"I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

"Fang?" Gazzy knocked on the door as he pushed it open.

There, sobbing on his bed was a very emotionally disturbed Fang. He had his laptop on his lap and a pint of cookie dough ice cream in his hands.

"GAZZY!" Fang screamed, threw the ice cream at the door, and quickly shut the computer. "What the hell do you want?" he asked as he tried to cover up the evidence.

"Well…I heard someone crying as I was walking towards the bathroom…" Gazzy tried hard not to burst out laughing.

"CRYING? Who was crying?" He smiled nervously and wiped a tear from his cheek. "CRYING IS FOR LITTLE GIRLS!"

"What's with all the noise?" Iggy complained, walking in on the scene. He had a weird looking green gook all over his face.

"I WAS TOTALLY NOT CRYI- Iggy what's on your face?"

Iggy sighed. "Nudge tackled me, and the next thing I know, she is rubbing this mask shit all over my face."

"Wait, NUDGE tackled you?"

"Yes okay! She is a lot stronger than she looks. Plus, sneaking up on a blind person is not difficult to accomplish," Iggy distractedly poked at his face trying to get some of the crap off.

"IGGY, YOU BETTER NOT MESS UP THAT MASK OTHERWISE I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU!" a voice boomed from the kitchen.

Iggy immediately dropped his hand. "Can I hide in here?"

"Unless you want to hear Fang crying, I would suggest you don't." Gazzy left the room with that.

"I DID NOT CRY!" Fang pouted. "I just had something in my eyes."

"Oh and Fang." Sang Nudge as she skipped into the room. "IF YOU GET A SINGLE SCRATCH ON MY TITANIC DISK, CONSIDER YOUR LIFE OVER TOO." And then she left as quickly as she had come in.

The two girl-boys sat on the bed together, and watched the rest of Titanic bawling there eyes out.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**Sorry that it was a crappy chapter! My writing skills have gone downhill (not that I had any to begin with). Anyways I hope it was up to standard with the other great chapters my accomplices have written!**

**Thanks for all the support you have given all of us! Its been really awesome being able to hear the feedback from yall!**

**~MangaGirl88**

**Thank you for reading! Please feel free to review! **

**- Unicorn of Awesomeness**


	6. The Birdies and the Beesies?

Gender-Blender

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

I don't own Maximum Ride.

_Chapter Four – The Birdies and the Bees...ies?_ – **written by Unicorn of Awesomeness**

Fang was freaking out. Internally of course, since Fang didn't like emotion – which coincidentally happened to be why he couldn't be emo.

Fang being happy: o_o

Fang being sad: o_o

Fang internally freaking out: o_o

See the difference?

No. You don't.

Bitch.

Anyways, Fang realized that no one actually knew what anyone looked like as the opposite gender in the first chapter since the author entirely forgot to add that scene. Whoop-dee-freaking-do.

Anyways, Fang had to admit that he was pretty dang sexy as a girl. Had he been a boy again and see girl-Fang walking down the street, he would have totally dated himself. Or at least thought about it. Among... other things. Until Angel overhears and tells Max, who kills Fang with a pipe. Of the sink persuasion.

It's happened multiple times.

That's when Fang realized that the source of his problems was Angel. If she died (or as he put it_"strategically disappeared"_) then he would be fine. He would be able to think whatever dirty thought he wanted and not have anyone overhear them.

He realized his mission in life: to get rid of Angel.

So he wrote it on his to-do list. It was number fourteen, right under "buy more frosted flakes".

Now the only problem was how to plot against Angel without her overhearing.

_'I can hear you, Fang!'_

Well, dammit.

So that's around the time where Nudge came bursting into the house screaming at the top of his lungs. Even with a lower voice, she was still equally as loud and annoying.

"GUESS WHO JUST MET A REALLY HOT GUY!" she shrieked.

Not a single person in the room responded. Well, that could be because no one was in the room, but I doubt that's right. Hey, I'm just the narrator. I don't know anything. I'm not trying to push my opinions on you or anything, but I know everything and am therefore better than you. So you can shove your opinion somewhere that is an uncomfortable place to put an opinion. Yeah, I just went there.

Luckily, Nudge had a plan on how to get the guy to love her when she turned back into a girl. First, she'd send either Fang or Iggy (OR BOTH!) to go meet him. Since they were hot (well, sort of. But that's what makeup was for, right?), he'd ask whichever one (OR FREAKING BOTH OF THEM) out. Then they date for however long it takes for them to get his number, them they could dump him, and she'd call him later.

It was the peeeerrrfffeeecct plan. Sure, she'd have to plan it out a little more, but she need to find Fang or Iggy (or – you know what? I quit! STFU bitches!), make them look attractive, and get them to the mall ASAP.

She ran to their room, knocking once, before kicking the door down, grabbing whichever of them that happened to be within arms reach, and pulling said mutant into her room to be the first victim.

Poor, poor Fang will develop a fear of sitting too close to doors after this.

So Nudge dragged a very traumatized Fang over to the chair in front of Ella's makeup table and tied him there with a multitude of scarves.

"What the heck! Let me go!"

"No!"

Max and Ella simply got up and left the room.

"Why?"

Nudge smiled, "'Cause I met this super hot guy and he'll totally go out with you if I make you pretty and then you can date him, just once and get his phone number, so I can call him when I turn back into a girl!"

"No! Let me go."

Fang struggled in the chair. Since when had Ella had super strength scarves?

"Fang, you will wear some nice clothes and some makeup. So will Iggy. Then, I will take you to the mall, and you'll flirt with Brett. You will be civilized and act interesting and he will ask one of you out. Whoever it is will go out with him so I can learn some stuff about him, like his number, favorite color, favorite food, whatever. Then they can dump him."

"No."

"If you don't, I'll tell the entire flock about that one time you and Iggy were 'experimenting'."

"You saw that?"

"I also saw Jeb watching you two while m-"

"WHAT?"

"Anyways, you will do it, right?"

Fang paused for a second. Makeup and clothes, or humiliation and Jeb's creeper-ness.

Now, if Fang was entirely thinking properly, he probably would have gone with the second option. Everyone knew anyways. But he wasn't thinking properly. He was too busy being scared of Jeb. And Nudge.

He wondered what the flock would do to him if they new he and Iggy had been attempting science experiments, like the ones done at the School. They would never look at him the same way again. What did you think I meant by experimenting? Like, whoa, why'd your mind go there of all places? Jeb still totally gets off on teenage boys doing science though. Jeb's hella weird.

"Uhhh... okay Nudge... I'll do it..."

"Yay!"

Mentally, Fang added a fifteenth chore on his to-do list: Kill Nudge.

_'I can still hear you!'_

Dammit!

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Iggy heard footsteps from thundering down the hall, but was too slow to actually accomplish any form of hiding or running away before Nudge arrived. Luckily, Fang was the first victim. Brain kicking into high speed, he ran to the shower, because that was obviously be the best hiding place.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Now would be a good time to note that the shower is a really shitty hiding place.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Approximately 54 seconds later, Iggy found himself tied up next to Fang, complete with makeup and a new outfit.

"Nudge?"

"Yes?"

"When did you change us? And how did you do it without us noticing?"

Nudge smirked, "That is for me to know, and for you to constantly wonder while sitting up at night, staring out the window with your poor, mentally-scarred eyes. Only Iggy can't see, so he'll probably just end up looking at a wall. It doesn't make a difference to me though."

Fang nodded along in agreement, "I will definitely be doing that."

"Yes you will. And now, we shall head to the mall."

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

Max sat down at the dinner table, taking a mental headcount. After concluding that everyone was there, she began to dig into the chinese takeout Ms. Martinez had ordered.

"Hey Max-"

"Angel, if this is about your 'thingy' again, I don't want to hear it."

"It's not. It's actually ab-"

"I told you, Total survived being hit by a car, but was raped by a horse in the ambulance, which untimely led to his painful, untimely demise, so we can't go see him at the vet."

Gazzy interrupted, "Actually, she was wondering why vets have ambulances. I know because I have the force."

"No you don't!" Angel screeched, flipping the table. Apparently, Angel took her powers very seriously.

"Well, I can read minds. Isn't that what the force is?"

Angel proceeded to throw herself out the window.

"Oh, and she wanted to know where Nudge, Iggy, and Fang are." Gazzy continued.

Max thought for a second, "Vets don't have ambulances and everyone is here."

Gazzy looked around, "Uh, Max? We're the only ones here."

"Huh," Max said, staring blankly at the empty seat across from her, "I didn't notice."

"How did you not-"

"How would you feel about hypothetically packing up really quick and leaving before the others got back?"

"That would be awful."

"I totally wasn't suggesting that we do that then."

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

"Um, excuse me," Total asked, "But are you sure that no one has come to pick me up? At all?"

The vet checked his list once, but only once because he wasn't Santa or anything, "Yeah, no one has come for you."

"But why don't they love me?" Total sobbed, rolling around his cage dramatically, like one does when they feel alone.

The vet sighed, "Maybe it's because-"

"DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM, YOU SELFISH ASSHOLE!"

"MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH!" The vet exclaimed, flipping his desk and jumping out the window.

And, no, the vet isn't Angel.

"I'M NOT A WOMAN."

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

_Like gender-bender manga... just more painful._

**Whoa... did I just randomly update this story after leaving it to die by itself in a pit full of fire? Yes. Yes I did. But I'm (sort of, not really) back! **

**I just want to thank everyone for the reviews, even though we hadn't uploaded anything in a while. It really means a lot to me that you love this story so much. Those reviews are pretty much the driving force behind this chapter. I'm going to try to update this for you more often, but I make no promises.**

**Sorry if it wasn't as funny as normal, I'm a little out of practice.**

**Thank you for reading! Please review!**

**- Unicorn of Awesomeness**


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